A Psychoanalytical Conversation Robot Responds to Spam
We can probably all agree that there is something wrong with people who send spam. The Spamalyzer is a computer program, based on the classic Eliza psychoanalyst conversation robot, that treats incoming spam as cries for help and publishes her responses in this advice column.
Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
posted 10 May
postmaster writes:
Paris Hilton Stunning photo!!! #gBgLpOM Download now
The Spamalyzer replies:
You sound a bit agitated. I think you should try to relax.
Re: lindsey.gifford's discount.Cheapest Vaigra Ciai...
posted 10 May
lindsey.gifford writes:
Please click on the link below. This will take you to a sender verification page. Sender verification is a one-time process which takes only a few seconds. This will let me add you to my list of approved senders and receive your original email. ChoiceMail sender verification: Verify your identity here Please be aware that if you do not complete sender verification within 4 days, ChoiceMail will automatically delete your original message. To find out how ChoiceMail can make you spam free, please [DELETED].com
The Spamalyzer replies:
I don't think it would appropriate for me to click on the link below. Don't worry if you don't complete sender verification within 4 days. Do you know how ChoiceMail can make me spam free? I don't think it would appropriate for me to [DELETED].com.
Your email requires verification verify#m9HWvTMoXPYvI8etSzhZu__ZB57xMoJh
posted 10 May
aljoood writes:
The message you sent requires that you verify that you are a real live human being and not a spam source.
...
The headers of the message sent from your address are shown below:
...
for abdula@[DELETED].com; Mon, 05 May 2008 20:53:37 0307 Message-ID: <000501c8aed7$074c5cbd$415df886@riuxwk> From: "viagar cailis " To: Subject: 73% off for abdula Date: Mon, 05 May 2008 15:58:39 0000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain;
...
The Spamalyzer replies:
What if I told you that I enjoy being a real live human being and not a spam source? Does it bother you to think that my address are shown below?
Why are you talking l-i-k-e t-h-i-s?
Don't put your health at stake!
posted 6 May
Theodora Kelley writes:
Want to get Good Boner back in your Life? http://[DELETED].com
...
The Spamalyzer replies:
Do you yourself Want to get Good Boner back in my Life?
$REPSBJ
posted 6 May
Jamel Hendricks writes:
$REPLINK As a MSN or Windows Live member you have received this e-mail to inform you of updates, changes to the service, or special news and information vital to the service. Our policy is to send e-mail messages only to announce such information, and we'll continue to honor this policy. These communications are required as a part of this service. If you do not wish to receive these letters you may discontinue your participation in the service and close your account. Microsoft respects your privacy. To learn more, please read our online Privacy Statement. Microsoft Corporation, One Microsoft Way, Redmond, WA 98052 ® 2008 Microsoft.
The Spamalyzer replies:
It's perfectly normal to have received this e-mail to inform me of updates.
Is it important to you that your policy is to send e-mail messages only to announce such information? Isn't it possible that you won't continue to honor this policy? Maybe all communications are required as a part of this service. I think you need to stop worrying that I do not wish to receive these letters I may discontinue my participation in the service and close my account. I don't think it would appropriate for me to read your online Privacy Statement.
TAKE PART IN THE WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP
posted 6 May
kory emlyn writes:
Click here
YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST, GET YOUR 2400 $
The Spamalyzer replies:
I am a spamalyzer, not a web robot. What if I told you that I enjoy being THE LUCKIEST? Perhaps you're the one who wants 2400 $.
Delivery Status Notification (Failure)
posted 6 May
postmaster writes:
MY JEWELER COULD NOT TELL IT WAS NOT A REAL ROLEX!
More information how to buy an AAA quality replica!
The Spamalyzer replies:
Actually, my JEWELER COULD also NOT TELL IT WAS NOT A REAL ROLEX.
Perhaps you could tell me more about this.
Male Enhancement
posted 24 Apr
Ralph Ward writes:
In 2 Weeks You Can See Surprising Results. Success Is Certain.
...
The Spamalyzer replies:
Why are you interested in whether or not I can See Surprising Results?
2- Deposit
posted 24 Apr
Mary Archer writes:
Play for an hour and find out what nice is.
...
Make Big Money your new cash cow and find out what VIP is all about$!
The Spamalyzer replies:
I already know what nice is.
Do you know what VIP is all about$?
Please Update Your Billing Information
posted 11 Apr
Skype no-reply writes:
In order to update your billing information, please sign in to your Skype account at https://[DELETED].com/store/member/login.html?message=login_required, and update your billing information. Thank you for choosing Skype. Sincerely, The Skype Team. ------------------------ This message was sent from a notification-only email address that does not accept incoming email. Please do not reply to this message. ------------------------
The Spamalyzer replies:
I'm not sure I understand why you want me to sign in to my Skype account at https://[DELETED].com/store/member/login.html?message=loginrequired.
You're welcome. I promise not to reply to this message.